Not gon lie, last year was rough.
I was under the false impression that your senior year was supposed to be relatively easier than the previous ones. However, mine was not at all easier. It was rough. It was rough for many reasons:
I decided to do the honors program (had to no topic chosen until October)
My classes had me running from one end of the campus to the other in under 15 minutes (not easy especially when fighting the elements - rain, humidity, heat!)
Professors saying one thing and the exams showing another
Advisors not necessarily making me feel comfortable in my selected topic
Personally not feeling confident in the topic
Becoming president of a club and not having any information on how to properly run the club
MIA treasurers and non-responding advisors
A giant paper (the first half of my honors paper)
It was just a lot. However, I’ve always been told to stay the course, to keep going and keep going. That advice has helped me, but for this semester that advice needed to be amended. I didn’t want to keep going, I wanted to stop. But I thought about it and asked myself why, what was I running from. Those questions weren’t ones I wanted to answer, but I had to. I was running from myself and my ability to do something new and venture into the unknown with no plan.
I’ve never been comfortable with the unknown, with not knowing. I went into my freshman year not knowing what I was going to major in but I had an idea and that was enough. For this past semester, I didn’t want to see and acknowledge the idea and it was scary to pursue it. So my advice changed, I told myself - take a deep breath, you are capable, you are able, you can do so many things, you can do it. I told myself this a great many times until I did it. I chose my topic, planned events and back-up events for the club, navigated and studied for my exams, continued to run to my classes, kept in contact with my advisor and treasurer, and completed that giant paper!
I did it. And once winter break came I took a break. But then life got real again. I am so grateful for my family and to have them in my life and getting healthy and being happy and together for the holidays. Even despite some unexpected news I told myself that I can overcome this and I can keep finding reasons to be happy and have fun.
For my last semester of college, I will be trying new things. I will be pursuing my honors topic no matter what and I will have fun. I don’t expect everything to be great nor particularly exciting but I know that whatever comes my way I am capable of staying true to myself and making it out with a new experience and new lessons learned.
Til next time,
-Livin’
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