Today I had a long thorough deep emotional conversation with a friend that I hadn’t really spoken to that deeply in a while. During this conversation I touched on a few insecurities that I have and where they come from. For example, I touched on my weight and what I’ve been conditioned to believe and honestly what I am still being conditioned to believe. I talked about how this morning I woke up and ate a good breakfast and I looked at myself in the mirror and LOVED the way I looked. I mean I was absolutely obsessed, I could not pull away. My grandma actually reminded me that I needed to handle my business instead of staring at myself in the mirror, so of course I took a good last look and then walked away. Fast forward later in the day I go to a family members place that I hadn’t been to in a few days. After not seeing this member for at least 5 days, the first thing they say to me is “you look full, look at your stomach!” Not even a hello, how are you, how have you been, nothing. Just a quick jab at my weight and my size. Seconds after that was stated to me I started to feel really insecure and not wanting to look at myself in the mirror. When I did look in the mirror all I saw was fat. All I felt was fat. So during my conversation with my friend I touched on how constantly hearing negative comments like that can genuinely start to affect the way you perceive yourself and your life, ESPECIALLY when you hear things like that from a family member. Hearing that today and as often as I hear it has really taken a toll on me. I realized that I don’t look at myself as much and I don’t interact with myself as much, and I just simply don’t believe in myself as much either. Having that conversation with my friend today really allowed me to release a lot of sadness and anger that I had been holding in for so long without realizing it. I stopped doing mental check ins with myself to see how I’m doing, so I have just been walking around with all these unprocessed emotions not healing from them in any way shape form or fashion. That being said, this is your reminder to set a time daily or weekly to do a mental check in. See how you’re feeling, see how you feel around specific people, see how you feel in specific places. Ask yourself questions like, “what’s my current emotion, am I tired, am I hungry, does my head hurt, is there a logical reason for this headache or me being tired?” Answering questions such as those can definitely help identify whether or not people/places are good for you. It helps you to keep track of progress through a tough time. Once you’ve done your mental check ins with self just shoot a text to a friend to say hi if you’ve been thinking about them. You never know what someone’s going through and how much that little text could make someone’s day. Thank you for taking the time out to read this. Have a good rest of the evening.
Signing off, -Clueless
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