Let’s talk about family. Majority of us are conditioned to believe that our family is supposed to be there for us and help us and support us, but obviously that is not always the case. A lot of the time our family can be the reason for our issues, traumas, and honestly our mental state. When I was in 11th grade, I went through a really dark time mentally and just struggled with my existence. I had really bad depression, I isolated myself from all my friends, and had little to no motivation to do anything. I started to hate the thought of being alive, constantly thinking, “If I wasn't alive I would have so much more peace and so would everyone around me.” I started to truly believe that, especially because around that time my mother did things to support my clause. Even now 5 years later I still sometimes think that way and believe that, and after talking to a few of my friends they feel the same way and I honestly think I figured out why.
After hearing so many of my friends and some outsiders stories I realized that we give a lot of love to our family because we are taught that our family is supposed to have our backs and we’re supposed to be there for each other. Over the years I have learned that sometimes your family that you're born into is much more toxic than most people really understand or even care to admit. For example, I have a friend that had a very interesting childhood due to her parents. Her mother makes really dumb decisions that affect her and her siblings VERY heavily, such as credit scores, financial states, mental states, and their optimism for their future. They have sacrificed a lot to help their mom pick up a lot of the pieces of things she continuously breaks due to the fact that she is their mom. My friend knows that her mom is holding her siblings and her back from living their life to the fullest, but because that’s family they keep sacrificing.
Another friend of mine has issues with her mom in a different aspect. Her mom is very selfish and narcissistic, so if it's not about her she doesn’t care about anything she has to say. Her mom can also be a bit manipulative, such as starting a fight/ argument, then buying her gifts instead of apologizing. Her mom often tries to wash over the issues at hand, by just ignoring it and hoping it’ll go away.
Now as for me, my mother enjoys calling me dramatic, downplaying/ invalidating my issues, and basically saying things that can make me doubt myself and my power. I stopped telling my mother and a lot of my family my plans because I started to get the feeling that their curiosity wasn’t genuine. Every time I expressed to a family member about my goal for something, more obstacles to get to that dream would start popping up. For instance, I want to buy a house, and I was actively saving money for it but when I started to tell my family about me wanting to buy a house, everything started to change. My savings started to wither, my job's pay wasn’t what it said it was going to be, the housing market in the area I was looking at started to only have abandoned places for sale, or homes that were much more than half a million dollars and out of my budget. It was just so many discouraging obstacles that started to make it hard, but it also made me realize, I can’t tell everyone everything, because not everyone has your best interest at heart.
Starting this blog I decided I wanted to keep it a secret and just share it with very few people. I only shared it with people I knew would genuinely enjoy the content and would benefit from what I write. Ever since I’ve been more selective with who knows what I am doing, there’s much less obstacles in my way. I am very big on energy exchanges and with the people I have shared this blog with so far, thank you! Thank you for sending nothing but positive vibes towards this blog! Thank you for being genuine and supportive towards this brand, and I am sending nothing but positive vibes back your way!
Signing Off,
-Clueless
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